Each being is sent to earth for a purpose... or at least it has been said. I wonder how many people on earth are aware of their mission? And if they don't know it yet, how many people are consciously trying to find out what their mission or personal legend is, as Paulo Coelho puts it?
Frankly, I've never given this much thought. I only go as far as analyzing why God gives me certain trials. Now that I am pondering over it, I must say that it's a difficult question to answer.
Since my father died, I never really thought of doing anything else, other than be the sole provider for my mother and two younger brothers. Family members and friends were awed by how I loosely adjusted from pampered daughter to breadwinner. It has been a difficult journey, but one that has always given me pride. I am not just independent. I have transfigured into a warden, a keeper, an iron-willed bitch, a strong soul.
Six years of being accustomed to the role that gave me much pride makes it hard for me to transition into an ideal wife. In the last year or so, my partner has been pointing out, how notably far my character is from the perfect, caring and submissive wife that he wants me to be. Like the traditional husband, Denver wants a Stepford Wife. I don't remember trying to explain why I am this way and why it is a challenge for me to change into the kind of person that he wants, but if it were brought up today, I don't think I would even have the energy to justify my attitude or behavior. After all, no matter how difficult, I know I have, in my own way, tried to become less of a bitch at home, and more of a twit just to please him at some point in our relationship. No matter how hard I tried, I didn't get any credit. During one of our fights, he mentioned that it was too late. Now I realize that my effort was not given credit because he was too damn focused on his Stepford Shack Job.
Is it my mission to be the ideal wife? I honestly think this is a poor purpose. Years ago I told my mother I'm not wife material. She agrees with me. My partner will definitely not argue with this statement. Is it my mission to be the best mother? All mothers are the best in their own right, but I admit that I have a lot of flaws to work on when it comes to motherhood. I know my mission is not career-related because I don't inspire those around me.
I'm not even close to an answer. I know that I am here for a purpose and I am curious. I'd like to discover what it is and see if it has anything to do with my current shitty life. Maybe when I know, I can start focusing on my personal legend, instead of dwelling on the evil little trick they played on me.
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Being a submissive wife is a difficult task. All my life, I've seen a strong persona of a woman who has been my provider and refuge ALL THE TIME - my mom. and when I see a Stepford wife, or a girlfriend around, I start to wonder why they submit themselves to their husbands so completely that they left not even a pinch of their own identity.
Fact that God told the woman to give himself to her man but it doesn't mean that she will abide with everything to the point of her ruin.
Relationship isn't a one-way thing. One must alternately give way to the other. Guys who are too obsessed of possessing Stepford partners are those who are eaten up by the disease called machismo. It's a shame.
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