Liver Talk

Today, I (re)started my no-rice diet. No, it’s not a no-carb diet. I still had pandesal for breakfast. For the lack of green salad in Jollibee Cybermall, I ordered fries. I know that French fries is a lame substitute for greens but it’s still a vegetable and it’s not like there are better (or healthier) choices at four in the morning.

I am trying to integrate fruits into my life gradually. I’ve made a commitment to have at least one serving of fruit a day. This time, I’m serious. Promise. It’s not just because I want to trim down. I watched something about liver disease on telly a few days ago and it scared me. I’ve been eating junk for over twenty eight years. I am poisoned and I want to detoxify. The do-it-yourself cleansing processes are intimidating. Look up coffee enema and liver flush and you’ll see what I mean. I am not sure if I am ready for the enema but I will definitely try the flush. Just need to figure out when to start and where to get Epsom salts.

As a part of my healthy liver campaign, I have also (re)started taking glutathione. According to the doctor from that show I watched, it really does good to the liver. I thought that glutathione was just for skin whitening. Doc says healthy, glowing skin is a reflection of a healthy liver. I was getting breakouts recently, so now is really the perfect time.

Living healthy is expensive.

High Five

I just returned from a self-imposed hiatus. It wasn't a vacation, but it gave me a chance to sort through some really important things.

My son is turning two tomorrow and I just realized I've missed out on so much. He has become so much taller now. I still want to call him my baby, but he is no longer one. He's wearing a school uniform and black leather shoes for crying out loud!

These past few days, I've just been enjoying playing with him inside our room. Normally, Denver or I would hand him over to his yaya or grandma so that we can get some sleep during the day. Today I let him stay in the room and we played with Ming-ming. That's what he calls his Winnie The Pooh stuffed animal from his Ninang Det. Don't ask me why, he can't rationalize yet. I actually taught him how to high five with Ming-ming. And he can say “high five” correctly. He knows “appear” but pronounces it “apeeh.” I use this pathetic puppet voice for Ming-ming's voice. He tries his best to change his voice too. It's hilarious when he does it.

Apart from realizations relating to my son, I had long and deep thoughts about me and Denver. We really screwed up. It's just sad that no matter how hard we try, our past manages to creep up on us. Once again, we fought and apologized to each other. I'd like to forget about everything that he did to hurt me, but I can't. It pains me too that I can't let go of it that easily. We're still together but I've stopped saying “I love you too.”

Some things are just too painful. And some people have too much pride.

I am not sure whether I should prepare myself to give up and let go, or to learn to trust and risk getting hurt again. I sure am having so much difficulty with the latter.

Still Panting

I’ve been to the gym 3 times this week. I think I deserve a pat on the back. I would have gone yesterday if my mom hadn’t been sick. I brought my gym bag to the office today because I intend to work-out after my shift.

I just realized that exercise is a personal thing. It’s pretty similar to the time I decided to quit smoking. For the longest time, Denver had been trying to convince me to lessen my cigarette smoking but I never paid any attention to his pleading. One day, I just decided to quit. Not for anyone else but me. This gym thing feels the same. I don’t need to have a gym buddy to actually go there. I am going because I want to feel better physically and mentally. It would be great to lose inches and pounds, and fit into clothes that are not plus-size, but right now, my primary goal is to build strength and endurance so that I can jog on the treadmill longer. I so envy those chicks who can run non-stop for twenty minutes.