Decisions, decisions

I need to make a decision soon. For years I’ve been waiting for a support post outside of Ops to clear up. Now that there is one available and I finally have the permission to leave Matrix, I find myself confused. Our site’s HR Officer is resigning. I’ve been allowed to submit an LOI. At the same time, XPS is looking for a SOIC. Both will require me to undergo an assessment but I have no clear idea which way to go.

A few months back I went through a SOIC assessment. After a written assessment, I made the final three. That should give me confidence, but I am scared to go through another interview. And honestly, I feel that there are other leaders who want the job more than I do. I wish I were tougher and more agressive. If I were, I’d say yes to a chance with the XPS panel. But I’m a wimp, and all these insecurities are creeping up. What do I know about being a SOIC? I have very high expectations from my leaders, surely there would be equal expectations from me if I were the SOIC. I wish I were more like Erika, who would never back out from a chance to move up. Yes, I would like to get to that position, eventually. Why not now? Because... because I’m a wimp. I don’t want to be labeled as the dumbest SOIC, I guess. I don’t want to bug everyone around me when I don’t know what to do. So maybe I ought to choose the path outside of Ops.

HR Officer. I never imagined myself working in HR. I’ve had my chance in recruiting (as a recruiting specialist in Asia Food, and a screener in eTel after my maternity leave), and I didn't really love it. It was the same thing day in and day out. But what prompted me to consider it is the normal nine to five deal. Why is Camille resigning? I’m sure there’s not as much pressure in HR compared to Ops, but am I cut out to be a “berdugo?” “Berdugo” is a harsh word, but it takes a toughie to go through all those dismissal cases. I recall crying like a stupid ass when I served dismissal papers to a team member last year. Great. Now I feel like I can’t be an HR Officer too. So maybe I ought to stay put.

Decisions, decisions.