Wishful Thinking

Very recently, one of my colleagues educated me on Pag-ibig Fund, bank housing loans and good property deals in Pasig City. On Monday, Denver and I visited Riverfront by DMCI. The unit we checked was very small, but we both loved the location and amenities. We could probably get a unit if we forced it, but then we would both have to live cheap until our fifties. A tiny 3 bedroom unit is around 3 and a half million in cash. If you add the 15 year interest through financing, the cost becomes ridiculously crazy for people in our income bracket.

Like I said, Denver and I could force it, but that means goodbye to Starbucks for the next 15 to 20 years, and possibly even goodbye to Mcdonald's value meals. We would probably have to live on tuyo and kangkong everyday. Not that tuyo is bad, but hey, that's still 15 years!

Anyway, it just makes me wonder how other people do it. Of course, this strikes out irresponsible dick-heads born with money, young athletes and instant celebrities. What I mean are other ordinary people like me. My colleague is younger than me, and has held a supervisory position for less than a year, but here he is scouting properties and intending to actually obtain one this year. Yeah, yeah, so he's single and doesn't have the same financial responsibilities, but still, I can't help but admire people like him.

It would be so great to be able to afford our own home here in the Philippines without having to slave away overseas. I wonder if we'd have to get to that point. Sigh. I want a condo, damn it.

Ten Inches

I don't mean to bore you with my wellness talk but it's just been my focus for the past few weeks. I quit my no-rice diet on the third day. But wait! Before you shake your head in disapproval, let me tell you what I've been stuffing myself with for the past week. Well, I've been eating vegetables. For the first time in my life, I am eating greens like it were normal for me. That's everyday for the last seven days.

For those of you who do not know me, my regular diet consists of anything smothered in butter or fried in oil. I am no fan of ulam with sarsa or sabaw, except if it's Kare-kare or my mom's La Oya. I just like fried steak (not even grilled), pork, hotdog and eggs. No fish, no veggies. I only eat fish if it's canned and swimming in oil and preservatives, filleted (especially if it's from Mcdonald's), or if it's sashimi or in sushi. I will eat veggies in the form of french fries, onion rings, and occasionally, gourmet salad. I almost never eat veggies at home, except for the squash in Pinakbet, onions in Bistek Pinoy, my mashed potato recipe (does that count?), frozen/mixed corn, carrots and green peas (I throw away the peas though), tortang talong, and probably a few more not-very-healthy vegetable dishes. I don't eat healthy at all. I love fat. You are what you eat, huh? Even my tuna omelet has lots of oil, butter, milk and cheese.

I know that I am a good (and young) candidate for heart disease or cancer, especially with my old habits – tobacco smoking, alcohol drinking, no fruits, no veggies, all fried diet, very little water. This is the year when I attempt to change all that by adapting a new lifestyle.

I still have a lot of inches to get rid of (around ten on my waist alone). I don't think I've lost any weight at all (huhuhu). It's been a month since I enrolled in Fitness First. But guess what? Those chicks that I used to envy? I can outrun them now. Normally I alternate 2 minutes of walking with 3 minutes of jogging, until I complete 30 minutes on the treadmill. On Wednesday, I walked for 2 minutes and jogged for 23 minutes non-stop. Yesterday I did 2 sets of 25 minutes (non-stop jogging). Who would have thought? I can't wait to see the results. I hope that my new plan proves to be effective.

Liver Talk

Today, I (re)started my no-rice diet. No, it’s not a no-carb diet. I still had pandesal for breakfast. For the lack of green salad in Jollibee Cybermall, I ordered fries. I know that French fries is a lame substitute for greens but it’s still a vegetable and it’s not like there are better (or healthier) choices at four in the morning.

I am trying to integrate fruits into my life gradually. I’ve made a commitment to have at least one serving of fruit a day. This time, I’m serious. Promise. It’s not just because I want to trim down. I watched something about liver disease on telly a few days ago and it scared me. I’ve been eating junk for over twenty eight years. I am poisoned and I want to detoxify. The do-it-yourself cleansing processes are intimidating. Look up coffee enema and liver flush and you’ll see what I mean. I am not sure if I am ready for the enema but I will definitely try the flush. Just need to figure out when to start and where to get Epsom salts.

As a part of my healthy liver campaign, I have also (re)started taking glutathione. According to the doctor from that show I watched, it really does good to the liver. I thought that glutathione was just for skin whitening. Doc says healthy, glowing skin is a reflection of a healthy liver. I was getting breakouts recently, so now is really the perfect time.

Living healthy is expensive.

High Five

I just returned from a self-imposed hiatus. It wasn't a vacation, but it gave me a chance to sort through some really important things.

My son is turning two tomorrow and I just realized I've missed out on so much. He has become so much taller now. I still want to call him my baby, but he is no longer one. He's wearing a school uniform and black leather shoes for crying out loud!

These past few days, I've just been enjoying playing with him inside our room. Normally, Denver or I would hand him over to his yaya or grandma so that we can get some sleep during the day. Today I let him stay in the room and we played with Ming-ming. That's what he calls his Winnie The Pooh stuffed animal from his Ninang Det. Don't ask me why, he can't rationalize yet. I actually taught him how to high five with Ming-ming. And he can say “high five” correctly. He knows “appear” but pronounces it “apeeh.” I use this pathetic puppet voice for Ming-ming's voice. He tries his best to change his voice too. It's hilarious when he does it.

Apart from realizations relating to my son, I had long and deep thoughts about me and Denver. We really screwed up. It's just sad that no matter how hard we try, our past manages to creep up on us. Once again, we fought and apologized to each other. I'd like to forget about everything that he did to hurt me, but I can't. It pains me too that I can't let go of it that easily. We're still together but I've stopped saying “I love you too.”

Some things are just too painful. And some people have too much pride.

I am not sure whether I should prepare myself to give up and let go, or to learn to trust and risk getting hurt again. I sure am having so much difficulty with the latter.

Still Panting

I’ve been to the gym 3 times this week. I think I deserve a pat on the back. I would have gone yesterday if my mom hadn’t been sick. I brought my gym bag to the office today because I intend to work-out after my shift.

I just realized that exercise is a personal thing. It’s pretty similar to the time I decided to quit smoking. For the longest time, Denver had been trying to convince me to lessen my cigarette smoking but I never paid any attention to his pleading. One day, I just decided to quit. Not for anyone else but me. This gym thing feels the same. I don’t need to have a gym buddy to actually go there. I am going because I want to feel better physically and mentally. It would be great to lose inches and pounds, and fit into clothes that are not plus-size, but right now, my primary goal is to build strength and endurance so that I can jog on the treadmill longer. I so envy those chicks who can run non-stop for twenty minutes.

Punctured

At this moment, I am enjoying my hot White Chocolate Mocha at Starbucks Medical City. I am in no rush and this gives me great pleasure.

If you know me, I am always in a rush (except during meal time). I eat very slowly, but I hurry everything else. I purposely extend my bath during my days off. Once, I timed myself in the shower, and was disappointed to find that it only took me ten minutes to shampoo, soap and scrub. On a regular workday, it would probably take me just five minutes or even less to shower. I don’t have a tub, so I can’t really do much in the bathroom.

I should be at work right now but the nurse from the company clinic scared the shit out of me. From work, I got into a cab at 10PM and brought myself to the Medical City for a consult. If you must know, I was stung by a sea urchin on my hands and feet yesterday. I still smell of vinegar because I soaked my feet on a basin of Datu Puti as an alternative to ammonia. Denver absolutely hates vinegar but what can I do? It’s better than pee, right? So far, there seems to be no sign of infection, and the pain is still bearable. Bad news is that I still have to marinate my hands and feet in vinegar two to three times a day.

Oh, special thanks to the nurse. Because of her, I am sipping my coffee instead of staring blankly at my monitor at work.

No DVD for me tonight. I am beat from the bus ride all the way from Bataan. I could stay up but I prefer to sleep heavenly or just lay down and imagine myself around 50 pounds lighter. I hope the pain is gone by next week. I need to hit the gym soon. I don’t think I can wear rubber shoes just yet.

Fat Ass

I turned in my Fitness First application yesterday. This means that I have to drag my fat ass to the gym from now on (if not, then I've just wasted a lot of money for a gym bag and water container).

I'm a bit scared because I just might discover that childbirth has changed my body forever. This is my last and most expensive attempt to shape up. Actually, I have not given it much effort (losing weight). I've been eating A LOT for the last two months. Food has replaced my nicotine craving (not permanently, I hope).

I have long been debating with myself whether I should sign up or not. An expensive gym membership is not exactly in the priority list of a practical mom. Not that I am practical, but it is ideal in these difficult times. It was my mom who encouraged me to forget about the cost and think of the benefits.

If I can quit smoking, I can probably commit to this too. God, I really hope I'll have the energy to do this.

I miss buying regular-size clothes. Would it be silly to take a before and after picture?